Waiting For A Day That Will Never Come

I can't get motivated to do this anymore. Every time I read the paper it is always about the party I hoped would represent me in parliament bickering among themselves and being general fuckwits. How can anything change with an opposition being so pathetic? Hooray. Kim Beazley again. Hooray. Now all we need is a spine.

If they ever get their shit together, then maybe I could start ranting again, but at this point it's just like watching a bunch of fucking lemmings walk around in circles.

So this is me more or less giving up. Maybe when Gillard's time comes we can get excited again. But for now, I'm content to just read page after page of bad news every single fucking day. I'll still stalk you all on your blogs and have an argument with anyone who starts one, but for now, I'm done posting.

It's been a fun/depressing couple of months. Best wishes to all of my filthy communist hippie friends, and I'll be back when I no longer feel like I'm just constantly bashing my head against a wall.

A spineless teddy bear, the Invisible Woman, and a bunch of termites...

LABOR: GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER.

Don't put a revolving door on the entrance of the Opposition Leader's office. That door only leads to permanent opposition.

- Simon Crean, November 29, 2003

Marky Mark And His Funky Bunch

Wow! Apparently Latham's testicular cancer has re-emerged, because it seems like he's lost his fucking balls. Here's his statement:

A number of colleagues have asked me to address the uncertainty concerning the Labor leadership. While I had planned to reassess things at the end of my leave period on 26 January, the ongoing speculation is damaging the Party and needs to be dealt with now.

Obviously I am disappointed with the press coverage over the last fortnight. Despite being on annual leave and recovering from illness, the media have been constantly camped outside our home.

In recent days, I have been able to get away to rest and recover and talk to my family about our priorities for the future. Our conclusion is that I should look after my health and pursue a normal life outside of politics. Therefore I have decided to resign both as Labor Leader and Member for Werriwa.

I have had a well-publicised problem with pancreatitis that has been hard to overcome. This condition and the uncertain timing of the attacks are incompatible with the demands and stresses of a parliamentary life.

When I was hospitalised in August, for instance, the media frenzy was over the top, with photographers shooting through my hospital window. Accordingly, I have done everything I could to keep subsequent episodes as private as possible.

Unfortunately ever since the recent bout became known, and even though I was on annual leave, the media has been harassing people in our street, forcing our neighbours to call the police on several occasions.

Obviously this situation cannot continue. Public office can take it out of people and, after 17 years and two serious life-threatening illnesses, the time has come to put my family and my health first. While it is important to try to help people through community involvement, this should not be at the expense of loved ones.

I am exceptionally fortunate to have a fantastic family, especially my beautiful wife and two little boys. I would be crazy to put this at risk. In politics everyone talks about family values. I would like to practice them in a normal way.

I want to thank the Labor party for the opportunity of leading it to the last election and trying to form a Labor Government. I hope that my colleagues can achieve this vital goal in the future and I wish them well.

I am proud that, even from opposition, we achieved some important reforms in 2004, such as the reform of parliamentary superannuation, changes to the US trade agreement, improved childhood immunisation, a baby care payment and placing the importance of early childhood development on the national agenda. I did my best to lead a genuinely progressive Australian Labor Party.

I wish to thank the people of Werriwa for the opportunity of representing them since 1994 and putting something back into our local community.

I also thank the local Labor party members and particularly my staff, who have worked so hard both in the electorate and in Parliament House.

I again thank the Labor supporters and members who backed our cause in the last campaign and gave me encouragement as Labor Leader.

Thank you all very much.

What he meant to say was:

Dear everybody,

You can all suck my arse. Quit your whining and bickering for a change, and realise that you're all as much to blame as I am for what is going on with the ALP. Now shut the fuck up, get behind me for a change, and let's do our fucking jobs for a change. Yes Carr, I'm looking at you, cockhead.

Now piss off. I'm sick and off work till Australia Day. I will return with some steel-capped boots, and will be kicking numerous people up the date then.

Have a nice day,
Latho.

Much more inspiring, wasn't it? I can't believe odds are we're looking at Beazley again. AGAIN. I look at my misspelt ALP membership card and sigh. Replacing a leader that's lost his balls with another that had none to begin with. On the upside, I'm betting this merry-go-round will continue and come January the 18th, 2006, we'll be looking at another new leader. Hooray.

Maybe the ALP needs to just collapse on itself. Maybe everyone currently holding a senior position should be fired and not allowed to return. Because the party has massive problems, and they've got fuck all to do with the leader.

Latham is going to be replaying this in his head for the rest of his life. And regretting it (especially in 2007 when we get to see Beazley (if he's still even leader) going "uhh... me too" during the election campaign). Obviously I don't believe his ailments are the primary reason for quitting.

I mean yes, someone else might get leadership other than Beazley, but seriously, like that'll happen. Jules would be awesome though.

So this is me, disappointed and pissed off. It'd be nice to write something positive in here for a change.

Oh bloody hell. What a joke.

How to ensure you permanently stay in Opposition:

1. Vote for party leader.
2. Endorse party leader for about a week.
3. Set about undermining party leader.
4. Throw Fat Kim in the works.
5. Bicker amongst yourselves while the rest of the country looks on and rolls their eyes.
6. Bring party to brink of collapse, hold ballot for new leader.
7. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Brand New Day

are we getting screwed or is it just me?

Like Australian citizens overseas, this blog has been totally abandoned for way too long. So I am back from my apathetic break from the blogging world, all ready to spew out another round of hate-filled bile. What triggered it? Why, Phillip Ruddock of all people, but I'll get to that later.

So what've I missed? Quite a bit, it would seem. Andrew Bolt had one last tug while looking in the mirror and took off on holidays; Piers Akerman is still putting the boot into Latham while he's down; after all the efforts to install McDemocracy™ in Iraq, apparently we can't be fucked actually letting Iraqis vote; the Free Trade Agreement has come into effect and Holden are already looking at manufacturing most of their cars in America and importing them, instead of building them here; and most likely countless other things that I haven't even read about. I don't even know what Ando is up to now. Must get onto that.

Oh wait, he's mentioned here in a story on a road funding election promise that the Government has since bailed on.

Yes, Ruddock. What a twat. He looks like the big evil green face in the Wizard Of Oz too. Anyway, he was on the 7:30 Report the other night stating that even though Mamdouh Habib hasn't been charged after three years of being left to rot in a prison camp with a dodgy legal system, they'd still give him shit when he returned to Australia.

HEATHER EWART: But in a democracy like ours, if charges are not laid, isn't a person entitled to live normally with the presumption of innocence?

PHILIP RUDDOCK: Well, they're entitled to live a normal life, subject to Australian law, and...

HEATHER EWART: Do you see what I mean? What sort of precedent are you setting here?

PHILIP RUDDOCK: Well, no, I'm simply saying that under Australian law, there are certain authorities that have - with appropriate consents to undertake a range of activities in relation to any Australians.

Oh it's great. My favourite quote was this:

No, but in accordance with the rules of war, enemy combatants are entitled to be held until the conclusion of hostilities. I mean, that's the principle. The war against terror is a significant engagement in which we're all involved, and it is not concluded.

That's right, the rules of war apply because we're apparently at war! Only problem is that we don't actually know who we're at war with.

The good old ALP is having a fun time imploding yet again isn't it? And they wonder why they don't win elections. Contrary to popular belief, Latham is staying on (although other news sources are speculating still, so who knows really). And he's alive. Although Ms Fits' reasoning is hard to argue with. And what the shit, Kim Beazley is eyeing leadership again?! GIVE IT UP ALREADY. Latham's statement is here. I have to say this speculation about Gillard is cool though.

And the US has given up on trying to find WMDs in Iraq. Will Howard admit Australians were misled? Sure he will!

Fairfax are looking at going shopping for Ten, due to cross-media laws getting axed in July. But what if PBL buys Fairfax? Would that mean Nine would own Ten? It is late and I should be sleeping. Night all; I'll try and do a more organised post tomorrow.